I believe wholeheartedly in determining what matters and living from our values instead of making choices based on someone else's definition of success.
I chose connection over academic milestones.
I choose freedom and choice over compliance.
I choose following our hearts over keeping up with the Jones’.
I believe each of us can live a meaningful life contributing their talents and passion to the world.
But Life Transitions Can Shift Our Values & Our Purpose
There are times when our purpose may be crystal clear and then other times when it again becomes muddied.
I’m in a time of transition away from the years of intensive parenting and homeschooling and towards re-entering the workforce and re-discovering my own interests.
And I have been searching for my larger purpose for a long time now. I'm embarrassed to admit that it seems to be one of my obsessions.
I struggle with wanting to know my purpose, I wrestle with it, I will it to come.
Sometimes I get a glimmer of what it might be, a clarity of mind that it is this or that.
The clarity of focus gives me hope, energy and enthusiasm for life.
And then without warning the clarity leaves, doubts sets in, I lack drive and I’m left wondering again what it is I am to do.
For someone who values so deeply honouring one’s purpose, this loss is deadening, isolating, depressing.
I can blame years of schooling on numbing me to hearing internally what excites me. I can blame society for the pressures that confuse us in finding what mission, cause, passion or purpose that WE are meant to serve vs. what is applauded by the masses. I can blame myself for not relaxing into it and being more spiritual and patient about the process.
But none of that gets me very far.
Here I am, still.
Looking for a signal, a knowing, a trajectory.
Look Closer at What You Are Already Doing.
And then I wonder, maybe I am looking for something that is right here right now right in front of my face.
Maybe seeking a huge and grandiose purpose isn't actually my way. Perhaps what is more uplifting is to look for the meaning and contribution that is smaller, closer to the ground and here in the present.
My purpose this week is to show up and volunteer to help my community centre down the road get organized. I love doing that.
To continue to nurture and foster drop-off programs for older homeschooled kids to give their parents some freedom to pursue their own interests.
I’m building confidence in my child to do things outside his comfort zone like write stories and learn math because I sense that he wants to test out going to school but doesn’t yet feel confident.
I’m practicing writing to see what I have to say and give space to my own self expression. I’m learning to make space for myself and prioritize and take care of my extended family.
I’m opening my heart to any and all of you who might want or need someone to hold space for you to explore what’s calling you and what might be in the way. Or to find your way to a better reality with your neurodiverse family.
Today, this week, this is my purpose.
This is my way of being useful and creating tiny ripples of change in my world.
Maybe that can be enough.
When Seeking Purpose Constricts You
My need to know the bigger purpose, the giant driving mission, is stifling me. It grinds on me and tightens me up and makes me feel twisted up and whiney. Instead, looking to what is calling to me this week feels grounded, spacious, positive and strangely healing.
Considering the purpose of what I’m actually living out day by day releases the the inner torment of wanting to know the larger significance of my life. Seeking purpose in the present brings me back into a state of groundedness, while slowly revealing the larger meaning of my life.
Be Present and Notice the Common Threads
By examining what I’m actually doing, I can see that I’m creating space and permission for others to follow their own interests and passions.
For as long as I can remember I’ve encouraged others to follow their heart and their dreams, life is too short for regrets.
I’m interested in the intersection between what lights people up and what is needed in the world.
I’m committed to trying to carve out a life where each of my family members can do what lights them up and grow at the same time.
It’s not always easy to see that that’s what I’m doing in this phase of my life, but it is, and I am.
Maybe following your interests one by one is the way to discover your purpose. And maybe meeting the need of someone or something right in front of you, in a way that lights you up or excites, is living out your purpose.
Maybe it's as simple as that.
Maybe the action comes before the knowing of the larger vision.
And it occurs to me that the sages have always known this, I'm just discovering this truism in my own way.
Thanks for listening, I hope if you are also wrestling with your purpose that this offers you a different perspective.